another filthy assault on my childhood
Firstly, what a stupid title. Sounds like a kiddie computer game you’d find neglected in the bargain bin. I had hopes for this film, hopes and dreams that were unashamedly crushed when…
WARNING: spoilers follow (aside from the movie itself)
… what I had thought was going to be a pre-movie 3d cartoon of a meercat turned into the opening credit sequence. This thing, this abomination sewn together from twisted fragments of my childhood is about as entertaining as going to the dentist and having your wisdom teeth removed.
I’m quickly forgetting the movie; it really only was a re-edit of the previous 3 movies except they CGI enhanced everyone to look wrinkly and saggy, and somehow made all the jokes and banter only worth a disgusted sigh. “Indiana Jones meets ET” is all you need to say to get the retarded-looking quizzical sneer out of someone who hasn’t seen the movie (and who has some sense of taste and admiration of the original trilogy).
There’s two scenes that I liked (purely for eye-candy): the post-f*&king-stupid in-a-fridge nuclear explosion (I’m told it’s not accurate but it was pretty); and the thank-fuck-this-is-going-to-be-over end sequence where they spent all the budget that should of gone into the jungle ho-down scene earlier in the piece. Outside of these scenes there’s really nothing original or good about the movie and the skull looks like balled-up glad-wrap and completely out of place with the other props.
George Lucas and that other idiot shouldn’t be let near any more movies. They just aren’t that good at making them.
